There are plenty of Namby-Pamby feel-good I-Love-God recovery blogs out there. They’re great. They represent probably a 90% market of the people in recovery. Maybe 95 or 98%. But what about the others? So what if it’s as low as 2%? What if 2% of the recovering alcoholics are just having a hard time with that “Loving God” concept, that all is right in God’s world? What if no one has ever said to them: “It’s OK to be pissed at God. You can still develop a spiritual life. Most certainly you can stay sober. I have.” What if they didn’t know this, because no one ever expressed it? Worse, what if they were told that it wouldn’t work if you didn’t have “Conscious contact with a power greater than yourself”? Would they die? DO they? Every day?
Maybe they need someone to say what THEY feel. Maybe they need some in-your-face recovery that peels the skin off Recovery and looks at what’s underneath without flinching. Maybe they need it done by someone who LOVES A.A. so much that he cannot bear to ignore the places it falls short.
There’s a guy — we’ll call him “Dirty Paul” — goes to a club south of mine. He’s been sober a long time. In his second 5 years (that’s years 6-10, dumbass) he wasn’t very happy. He used to call his sponsor every afternoon with the same story: “Hey Sponsor. My Sobriety Sucks and I hate my Homegroup. Everyone there is a dipshit. I hate going to meetings because everyone complains about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Don’t tell me to pray about it ’cause I already did and there wasn’t anyone there. No one who cared anyway. I don’t want to stay sober anymore ’cause my life sucks! My car sucks, too! Did I leave anything out? Oh, Yeah. Sponsor, you suck!”
His Sponsor would tell him: “That’s Great! Don’t drink, and go to a meeting! Give someone who doesn’t have a car a ride in your sucky one! Call me tomorrow!”
That time period was over 30 years ago, and today you won’t find anyone happier than “Dirty Paul”. Is his sobriety LESS because he endured such an extended rough spot? Is there a school of thought that could make a case for his having STRONGER Sobriety because he’s faced something others haven’t, Sobriety in the depth of despair? Could we learn something from it, from him?
These essays are written by a man who has more questions than answers, yet remains confident. Who Loves A.A. but doesn’t think it’s perfect. A man who believes in God but knows the phrase “Everything is going to be alright” doesn’t exclude “You and your loved ones may die a horrible death” and still tries to get to know Him more.
They are written for the man he was yesterday; alone and confused. They are written for the man he wants to be tomorrow; alive and Sober. They are written for the man he admires most; the one who Acts with a Faith he doesn’t have.
Don’t rely on anything written by me. I’m a notorious liar. Nobody who knows me believes a damn thing I say. If it sounds brilliant I’m probably going to write it down and hand it off as the truth. If it sounds brilliant and is FUNNY it’s a guarantee. Don’t try to stay sober by what I say. Here’s a clue, moron: I’ve stayed sober based on what A.A. says. Duh! This is just what I’ve LEARNED by staying sober based on what A.A. says. There’s a big difference.