I try to do 5 things every day. Some days I only do 4 of them, some days I can only do 3 — there have even been days that I could only do 2 of them, but I try to do 5 things every day: Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, coffee and cigarettes. Some days that eating thing is pretty hard to come by, but if you’re in A.A. you can always get a cup of coffee and bum some cigarettes. That doesn’t have dick to do with how I stay sober though.
I’ll tell you how I stay sober: I don’t drink.
Those 5 things that other people do are crazy. If I’ve heard it in one meeting, I’ve heard it in a thousand. Here’s what people in A.A. claim will keep you sober:
1: Ride a bicycle off a roof, onto a trampoline, and into a pool
2: Throw a frog in the air and smack it with a baseball bat
3. Eat an live insect, large and winged in nature
4: Pierce something not usually pierced
5. Dress like a woman and go in public (a largely populated area) and sing a song
No, No…. Wait… Shit! That’s my “To Do” list for this weekend. Never mind. Hey… I should be getting to #4 and 5 by Sunday, if anyone’s in Ybor….
Here it is! (It was in the other pocket!) Here’s what people in A.A. say to do:
1: Ask God to keep you sober today
2: Read something spiritual
3 Talk with another Alcoholic
4: Go to a meeting
5: Thank God for keeping you sober today
That kills me! Especially #1. Do you really? Every Day? What a fucking NAG!
Do you do that with your wife or girlfriend? Do you? Do you wake up every day and ask her: “Hey! I got an idea! Why don’t you not have sex with anyone but me today? OK?”
A week of that shit and she’d walk out on your whiny ass.
What you probably did with her was ask her one time: “Will you have a monogamous relationship with me?” and then spent the rest of your time worrying about your own pecker and trusted her to do the right thing with her equipment. Yeah. Same thing will work with God.
There are 2 parts to the disease: A mental obsession that causes the alcoholic to pick up the first drink, and a physical compulsion that causes him to not be able to stop. God removed the mental obsession. My job is to not pick up the first drink — no matter what — and thereby activate the physical compulsion.
That may be why so many people fail to stay sober. They act as if they don’t have an active part in their own recovery.
Let me ask you, did you ever hear someone say: “Wow! God dropped the ball… John got drunk last night. He asked him every day to keep him sober, but God fucked up.”?
Did you ever hear someone say that? No? You know why not? ‘Cause it’s stupid, that’s why not. We all know it wasn’t God’s job to keep John sober, it was John’s job.
Accept Responsibility! Make the newcomer take responsibility for his sobriety and we might see more of it.
It says on page 85 of the Big Book that: “What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” I’m not going to say that’s not true, but what I will say is I’m glad they didn’t tell me that my first day in A.A. I didn’t HAVE a spiritual condition.
I’m glad that on my first day in A.A. a certain Roofer said to me: “It’s my job to tell you that you never have to drink again!”. He took responsibility for making me take responsibility for my own sobriety.